Monday, January 08, 2007

Crack is whack!

I always give my new hires a paper that says the following:
Your position with XXX and its client is dependent upon successfully passing a pre-employment drug screening. You will need to take the enclosed XXX chain of custody form along with picture ID to a collection facility to have this test performed.

Please call 1-800-XXX-XXXX to obtain the closest collection sites to you.
Press:
Option 1: “location for urine drug screen location” followed by
Option 1: “Urine drug screen location facility” then
Option 2: “all other drug screen facilities”
Enter your 5 digit zip code

Or, you can visit
www.XXX.com to get drug screen locations online.

I received the following phone call today.

Not-So-Smart (NSS): Hi, I was wondering if you guys knew of any drug testing locations near you.
Payroll Administrator(PA): You mean close to this office?
NSS: Yes
PA: I don’t know of which particular ones are close to this office but I can give you our zipcode to look it up.
NSS: WAIT A MINUTE! LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOU ARE TELLING US TO GO GET DRUG TESTS BUT YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE THE LOCATIONS ARE?
PA: Along with your drug testing form, I gave you a paper that gives you detailed instructions on how to find a location close to you by entering your zipcode.
NSS: SO you don’t know of any facilities close to you?
PA: I don’t physically go to any of these drug testing locations. So. No. But I can give you our Zipcode and you can either call the 800 # to find out or find it online. Would you like me to give you my zipcode?
NSS: No. I have it right in front of me.
PA: Alright. All you have to do is call the 800 number and you’ll find locations by entering the zipcode. Or visit the website if you like.
NSS: um hmmm. Thank you(with an attitude that I don’t need)
PA: Um hmmm(mirroring her). Thank you. Have a wonderful day.

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