Wednesday, January 10, 2007
I cant say that I hate you....
Main Entry: idiot
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: stupid
Synonyms: ass, blockhead, boob, booby, cretin, dimwit, donkey, dork, dumb ox, dumbbell, dunce, dunderhead, fool, halfwit, ignoramus, imbecile, jackass, jerk, kook*, meathead, mental defective, moron, nincompoop, ninny*, nitwit, pinhead*, pointy head, simpleton, stupid, tomfool, twit*, yo-yo
Antonyms: genius, intellectual
Notes: an idiot is a stupid person with a mental age below three years, while a moron is a stupid person with a mental age of between seven to twelve years
I really had NO idea! Who’s the idiot now? Using words I don’t understand…
Anyway…reason I was looking it up was…I had the following conversation 2 minutes ago
Nincompoop (otherwise known as Anns-new-self-annointed-mngr/contractor) calls and says: Hey is Ann there?
Me: No. She’s out to lunch. Would you like her voicemail?
Nincompoop: No. I just wanted to tell her that I’m leaving at 3pm (mind you she already told Ann that this morning).
Me: Ok. Sure. I’ll let her know.
Nincompoop: Also, can you fax me a timecard?
Me: (rolling my eyes cuz I hate it when they do this..but ok with it because she doesn’t abuse me with this all the time anyway…) Sure. Whats your fax number
Nincompoop: *as if to add salt to injury, Lets out a long drawn out groan…like uggghhhh!* You don’t have it?
Me: Nope!
Nincompoop: *Uggghhhhh!* Ok. Fine. Let me call you back!
Me: Ok.
Some people are too stupid to hate.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Effin Ipod
After going through literally 5 different menu’s I end up with:
Ben: Technical support this is Ben, how may I help you?
ME: Hi there, I got a new Ipod to replace my current one and was wondering weather you guys would be able to transfer all the songs on my current ipod to the new one.
Ben: I’m not sure about that.(and you are in Technical Support?) for that you would have to call a store and see if they can help you.
ME: I dialed the store and ended up with you!
Ben: Try again and this time on the menu pick the “other” option and you’ll get the store.
ME: Thank you.
Another phone call and two menus later
Idiotus Maximus(IM): Thank you for calling the apple store at **** mall, how may I help you?
ME: Hi Idiotus Maximus, I got a new Ipod to replace my current one and was wondering weather you guys would be able to transfer all the songs on my current ipod to the new one.
IM: Well, we are not able to do that here. But you could maybe find something on google to assist you with that.
ME: But you are the apple store. Your company created this product. If you guys don’t know how to do it, how would I find it on google?
IM: Well (2nd “well” in this conversation. So much for customer service!) Apple does not have software that supports that. Maybe if you had a computer that could support that…
ME: I tried transferring the songs from my ipod to my itunes library but it wouldn’t let me.
IM: Right. Because itunes does not support the transferring of songs from the ipod unless you stored them on your ipod as data files and not as songs but then that would take up more space and you wouldn’t be able to listen to the songs (so why would I get an ipod to use as a hard drive if I can’t listen to the songs?) because you would be using the ipod as a hard-drive
ME: How is it, that when I buy a new cell phone, I can go to the t-mobile store and have them transfer all the info(address book etc) from one phone to another but apple can’t figure out a way to transfer all my songs from one ipod to another?
IM: I DON’T KNOW!
ME: I thought so. No one seems to know anything. Thank you.
Oh my goodness they are ridiculous!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Articulation
Case in point:
Me: Yeah. I wanted to go see Borat.
T: Booorrraatt( FRAT BOY!), yeah. You know I saw a picture of that dude and he looks pretty normal??
Me: Yeah. I know..Remember he used to be Ali G?
T: He still is. The show is still going on on HBO
Me: Really he still is? I didn’t know that
T: Yeah. Actually, he’s not Ali G. Ali G is a character he plays and Borat is another character played by the same actor.
ME: (Say it with me) Ooooohhh!
*gritting my teeth*
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Kramer f@cked up in a MAJOR Way

Thursday, November 09, 2006
Coathanger/mixer

To use for your wardrobe, and for the extreme necessities in your kitchen!
This item actually exists for sale on this website at18.50 Euro’s a piece,
Incase you want to give a practical gift this Christmas.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Elections? What Elections? Britney Spears just filed for divorce
Yes. There is a God out there and he has been listening..there were rumors that since she wanted two children she was going to let K-FED father them then leave his ass and I didn't quite believe it..but...ITS TRUE!
She's free..shes freeee...shes freee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is just about the happiest day of the year for me. I wasn't a Britney fan until she started going down the drain(after marrying federjerk)...I didn't know what I had until it was gone...now...I'm all about Britneys comeback...
Awww...poor fed-ex! Maybe Shar Jackson will take him back...NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hate of the day
Friday, November 03, 2006
Bowl of water
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful?
I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.
Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
Dark nail polish is my achilles hill

So after watching the suckfest, I went home and decided to try out my new OPI lincoln after dark nail polish ..one of the most sort after colors of this fall season(thank you trixie. you do right by your fellow fashion whores). This stuff is selling out before it hits the shelves. I've had it for a few wks but hadn't gotten the time to paint my nails...dark nail polishes take so much more work than lighter ones. In light of that little fact I decided to watch one of those movies that lasted 2wks on big screen. Phat girls. WRONG MOVE. I thought marie suckanette was horrible, this was worse. Unlike the suckfest though, this movie had a plot...a really cliche boring one but a plot nontheless. It's about this two hundred plus pounder who has dreams of designing clothes for her fellow heavy weights ...only she couldn't find anyone to finance her dream. Somehow, she ends up winning a trip to a fancy luxury resort which she and her two friends drove to in a Chrysler Sebring (I blogged about them before) and she meets this Rich Nigerian Dr who is attracted to her because " In Nigeria a womans largeness depicts a higher social standing" (This is sadly true but only in remote villages)...anyway..i fell asleep somewhere around that because next thing I know it's 3am and the DVD menu is playing and I have nail polish smudged on my palms (please tell me how) and my nail polish had all these different textures….
UGH! Hate my life!
So it’s 3 am, I had to wake up, take the smudged nail polish off and put on two fresh coats then sleep like a gymnast in my effort to not smudge it again.
Marie Antoinette? more like Marie Suckfestnette!!!

I don't even know where to begin with this one.
First of all, 90% of the cast had American accents. Wasn't it supposed to be in France? Isn't she supposed to be Austrian? and I hate it when people try to bring a modern twist to something old and do it wrong...I can think of only one movie that did it right A knights tale(link). Everybody else tries and FAILS! All the rock music was horribly misplaced in the movie....and worst of all...there was NO DIALOGUE! Non! I can't remember even one conversation.
This Movie is supposed to be about the life of Marie Antoinette. One of the most hated queens of France and from what I heard Sophia Coppola(Ms. Director) was trying to portray her in a different light. give us more of an insight to her.....ummmmmmm ?????????
$9.25 I'll never get back. Anyway. The only reason I went is because Greys Anatomy was having a re-run night. Otherwise I wouldn't have wasted my precious Thursday evening on that bull!
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
the beautifully talented...the talentedly beautiful

It was OCTOBER 19th 2006.....
The cheers were quieting down and the crowd was taking their seats again while he looked on and smiled. He lifted his red plastic tea cup and took a sip. Slowly but surely, he put his cup down, swiftly placed his fingers on the step of his guitar and belted out: "it takes a crane to make a crane. It takes a two floors to make a story. It takes an egg to make a hen, it takes a hen to make an egg, there is no end to what I'm saying. Lalalalala life is wonderful lalalala....................." Big, fat, warm, loopy tears streaming down my face, enruptured by his beautiful face, beautiful voice and all I could think was LALALALALA lALA Jason Mraz is wonderful.......................
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
$45k for a trendy pair of Christian Louboutins??
First things first.....
300
MSRP* starting at: $24,555 300C SRT8 as shown: $43,195 is not 2006 Bentley Arnage Styles MSRP Price Range: $212,990 - $243,990
The simple fact that people would buy a Chrysler and try to pass it off for a Bentley(oh yeah I've you pricky bastards on the road with your Humongous sunglasses acting like Diddy aint got shit on you!) is pathetic... Either you have a Bentley or you don't. You all have this air about you when you "float" around in your giant-for-nothing-plastic-shells-you-call-automobiles.
If you can't afford something you don't need to try so hard...the inventors of Chryler showed a severe lack of innovation when they decided to act like street vendors and start mass producing knock-offs. Seriously...how unfathomable is it when someone's paying a $35k car loan and acting like they are paying a $300k car loan? Others go to the extreme of paying extra to get 'custon-made-grills' that make it look more like a Bentley...so not only are you paying a car loan, you are also paying a grill loan, a rim loan among other things....all in the name of looking like you are a baller...ITS PATHETIC....for that kinda money in loans you might as well have bought a mercedes, a bmw or a lexus..in otherwords... a real luxury vehicle!
Chrysler 300's have always been on my shit list from the first day I saw them.... They are a shiteous idea and I have no clue how it passed from the little man to the big wigs at Chrysler......and onto the Market..then again..didnt they used to have that fish looking Chrysler Sebring back in 2001? How long did that shitiousness last??? They are almost non-existent today..just as these 300's will go out of style within another yr or two...getting a Chrysler 300 is like paying $45k for a trendy pair of shoes you can barely afford...bitch you know that shit aint gone stay hot in the market..WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF?
Sincerely,
Resisting-the-urge-to-egg-you-and-your-car.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Not the sharpest tool in the shed
Crazy-Clueless-Lady(CCL): Uh. Yes. I wanted to return three copies of the Di Vinci code, see the problem was
TPA: I’m sorry to cut you short ma’am but I believe you have the wrong number
CCL: Oh. Is this Randal House?
TPA: No.Ma’am. It’s the-place-I-go-when-I-want-to-feel-suicidal.
CCL: So….Did you call in? Do I need to assist you with something?
TPA: (WHAT?) No. You ma’am you called me.(The only reason I’m being civil is because I think this might be a prank from corporate or something. Surely..no one can be this clueless)
CCL: Is this? 8(voice drifts off). Oh I think I might have dialed the wrong number.
TPA: (Yeah! No shit!) Yes. I think so too.
CCL: Aw…*giggle, giggle, giggle* Sorry about that.
TPA: Uhuh.
Two minutes of my life I’ll never get back.
Those men...........
Gotta Love Those Men
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma "
And they say blondes are dumb...
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Rodger says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh!
Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name?
A: You're not holding the pillow down hard enough.
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Star Wars
http://www.forbes.com/business/businesstech/feeds/ap/2006/10/04/ap3066739.html
Shanna Moakler apparently punched Paris Hilton two nights ago in a night club. SWEET!
Pour some chocolate/ grease on these b!tches, put it on pay-per-view and hand me a hot dog and a beer......
Monday, September 25, 2006
DON’T SAY BORED. SAY “CLASSY”
Bonsouir mon a mi!
It was great to be at your birthday festivities this past weekend. It made me appreciate the fact that life gives us options (obviously you picked one that I wouldn’t have). For your birthday, you chose to give as a night in the twilight zone. Started off with a mind- numbing French movie (subtitles and all) with a live soundtrack. Now in theory, this was a very neat idea. But in actuality I thought of several thousand different ways to kill myself during the whole hour and a half that we watched this movie in silence. There was not enough wine in the city to drown out the boredom. After the movie we went to a “quaint little place” that was actually pretty cool. It almost made up for the 5 flights of stairs we had to go through (Ever heard of elevators? Escalators? I felt like I was on a game show) only to get to an Ill-lite room with a magnificent view of the city. That I’ll give you. It was a gorgeous view up there. So bravo is my word for that.
You’re a 30something year old dude. Still very much in your early thirties. Your birthday was on a Friday (not everyone gets to be this lucky). Why couldn’t we just go to a bar, drink beers and high-five each other? Is being cultured, all about doing certain things off a checklist just to show you and others how classy a person is/can be? Can you tell Classy from Bullshit?
Sincerely,
Highly-uncultured.
Friday, September 22, 2006
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Weight Chart for Women
Height Frame
4'10" 102-111
4'11" 103-113
5'0" 104-115
5'1" 106-118
5'2" 108-121
5'3" 111-124
5'4" 114-127
5'5" 117-130
5'6" 120-133
5'7" 123-136
5'8" 126-139
5'9" 129-142
5'10" 132-145
5'11" 135-148
6'0" 138-151
If your weight is more than 10 pounds heavier than what the weight chart above says you should be, Please do not wear SKINNY JEANS.
Contrary to popular belief, skinny jeans are not for everyone. Please do us all a favor and keep up with fashion trends that work well with your body type.
Thank you for your consideration.

