I got a call from one of my clients asking about my company’s (Satans Kitchen) hiring procedures because he had a foreign contractor he wanted to add to his staff. So I sent the email below.
Hi Big Boss Man,
Attached is the ___ form as promised. On page three of the form isthe list of acceptable documents. Contractors either need to have one form of ID from list A or two forms of ID one from list B and one from list C. I hope that helps. Please let me know if you have any further questions.
So he forwards the email to the candidate along with the msg:
Hi El- Stupido,
Per our discussion. Please contact Pee Ayye at Satans Kitchen if you require additional information.
Big Boss Man
El-Stupido then takes her cue and sends me the email below:
Hello Peee Ayye,
I am have been working for ***** for 9 years, training for 5 of thoseyears(STOP! please hold while I polish your Oscar) and will be working as a private training consultant in August. I am not sure how much Big Boss Man has told you about me and future opportunities training with satans kitchen?Can you help me understand the process?
At this point I’m thinking..WTF?
Hi El- Stupendous,
Mr Big Boss Man didn't tell me much about you. He had asked me what documentation weneeded in order to hire someone who wasn't a citizen on our payroll.I had sent him the __ form (attached). Please review page 3 of the __ form.It shows all the necessary documentation. You either need one from List A ora combination of one ID from list B and another from list C. If you have anyfurther questions, please give me a call.
I thought all was clear and rainbows were starting to form in my skys when I got this:
Hello Peee Ayye,
What is the process you have gone though in the past when hiring anyone from **** or any other country outside of ***? In regard to the attached form, this does not help me understand the process asI am a ***** citizen and therefore do not have the documents mentioned.Any insight would be helpful.
How many different ways can I explain to El- Stupendous that it is what it is…I need is what I need? If you don’t have the documents then that means you need to get them…..simple..In my opinion(and a rather humble one by the way) I was very clear…. WAS I FREAKING NOT? People like her make satans kitchen is what it is!
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
I was at the airport last night waiting for my one-and-only's delayed flight so I decided to make a restroom stop.
Everyone left and I was alone in the restroom.As I was washing my hands over the sink a custodian/janitor/maintenance engineer comes in. She looks about 38-43(you know the tough age for women when you aren't a fossil but you are so close to being one you might as well be?), bad stringy hair..just having a rough time basically. The minute she walks in she exclaims: "why is it so hard for you trick mutha****** to keep a bathroom clean? DAMN! DAMN! I just cleaned this bathroom" Pause while walking around "You mutha***** can't clean up after yourselves!"
Meanwhile, a 55year old woman walks in talking on her cell phone followed by her mother(im assuming) who was so old she needed a walker to get around...The custodian looks at her and goes "there they go, trick a$$ mutha****** walking in here talking on they damned cell phones! mmmm hmmmm!" as the 55year old walked past her and her mother was walking a lot slower (DUH!) and in the way of the custodian who was on her way out she goes "YEAH! Trick a$$ mutha***** taking your sweet damned time like I aint got sh!t to do!" (I swear..I'm not even kidding) Then she walks out mumbling all sorts of curses and when she's outside the door I hear her say "......making me work extra...... Lord help me 4 I kill somebody! Trick a$$ mutha******" and she walks back into the bathroom with her big cart walks into the first stall and goes "THEY ALREADY DONE FINISHED THE TOILET PAPER! DAMN THESE TRICK A&& MUTHA*****!" at which point I sprinted out of the bathroom in tears because I couldn't hold the laughter in any longer... I was really scared of her but at the same time I couldn't believe her tantrum..... I mean she must have known we could CLEARLY hear her......WHO DOES THAT?
Gee, I wonder what kind of day she was having....