Wednesday, September 20, 2006

My Nikes are Circa 1896


Dear Ms. Inconsiderate,

When I first saw you walk into the changing room, I thought you were a cute professional staying fit. For a moment there I thought you had it all, cute outfit, cute face, cute gym bag…everything looked very well coordinated. This was until you decided to ROCK my world and open your gym bag.

Prior to yesterday I had never truly wanted to beat down a stranger for being rudely inconsiderate but I have to say that the hot stench that came from your bag taunted a seriously violent reaction from me. Not once in my life have I ever smelled something so unpleasant coming from a designer bag. Louis Vuitton would have a fit if he knew what you put in that bag. At first I thought that you might have accidentally brought a diaper bag to the gym but you didn’t seem fazed when the disgusting odor hit the air. Instead you looked at me and smiled (Sweet lord! I think this was a test!!).

Then it happened….Like the unveiling of a hideous bride, came the Nikes Moses wore when he went up the mountain. Its really impressive that you come from a family that wears the same shoe size all around and has been doing so for generations. But guess what? No one cares! Put it in a book, talk to Tyra about it. I have racked my mind for reasons why someone would own those and subject the whole entire world (the gym) to their unpleasant smell but couldn’t come up with one. Violence is never a solution and that is why I’m writing to you today. Please write back and enlighten me.

Sincerely,

Willing-to-start-a-fund-to-buy-you-new-gym-shoes @ the gym.

PS: Moses called. He wants his shoes back.

1 comment:

Tommy said...

My mother always told me to be clean and fresh because, in case of an emergency, I wouldn't be embarrassed when a nurse or doctor unclothed me. Whenever she said that, I always thought "but how would I know if I'm going to have an emergency?"

None the less, to know before hand that your shoes are funk-fortified and to still take them to the gym where innocent bystanders are near is uncivilized.