Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Craigslist epidemic...part 1

I feel that it is a civic duty of mine to inform everyone (or at least anyone who reads this blog) of a new epidemic that's hitting the internet.....THE CRAIGSLIST EPIDEMIC.

My friend Tommy is always surfing craigslist and looking for interesting things such us bands that need members (he plays the guitar) and many other random things. Lately he's been forwarding some craigslist listings for my review because some of these people are truly bizarre.

Case in point:
BE AFRAID; BE VERY AFRAID (this is the real subject of the posting)

Reply to:
Date: 2006-08-22, 7:28AM EDT
Is there a man in the Baltimore region who is not afraid of a sexy, intelligent, loving woman? Then maybe you're looking for ME. I am a 49-year-old professional woman with an incredible sense of humor and capacity for affection. I am looking to shower that affection on a nice, regular guy who knows how to please a woman. Younger men are always a turn-on, but age and size does not really matter, as long as you're young at heart and giving. Drop me a line and let's see what happens.

The ad is then followed by a pukeworthy photograph of her 350lbs self.

First of all....Be afraid? Be very afraid? She is rather beastly, admits it with that 'be afraid, very afraid' title then as if her own beastliness confused her, turns right around and says she had 'lots' to offer. Lots of what? Beastliness? Who's into beast women?

What upsets me about her bestiality (ooppps! I think that came out wrong...... did it?) is the fact that she put her picture up.... I'm pretty sure with a dollar store photo frame, that picture could find a very warm and loving place....IN A NURSING HOME!
Yeah dude/ duddette! (I can't tell....she's so manly looking) We get it...You're 49. You're OLD! Don't show it to us. That's the whole point of online dating. We lie to each other, we give the rest of the world an opportunity to fantasize about how perfect the person might be and then when it comes to meeting the person, that's when Murphy's Law kicks in and she shows up! But it would be nice to have that 5 seconds when I think... "hmmm..maybe she looks like Demi Moore" Those five minutes when I say "Vivica Fox is 45 and she's still hotter than a mug" Is there a chance that she would be on craigslist and look like either one of these two lovely ladies, NO! But it's nice to dream. So grandma....Not only are you hideous, in dire need of a diet or two, desperate and just plain WACK..... You're a dream stealer... and that in my opinion is a bigger offense than anything else.

And lastly, "Be afraid, be very afraid"? "I have lots of love to offer and shower someone with"? Is craigslist supposed to be OXYMORON central? Everyone there says something and then turns right back around and says the opposite. It's like a kid in a candy store overwhelmed with the choices...then again...wait...that example IS an oxymoron because if these hags had that much choice, they wouldn't be so desperate-on-craigslist.

Here's a suggestion Ms. I'm 49 and got lots of love to share....BUY A CLUE!!! And the clue of the day is...........drum roll please.................................................................OXYMORON!!!!!!!

1 comment:

Tommy said...

Oh so absolutely unequivocally correct!!