Monday, December 05, 2005

Men are idiots!

It's the week of my birthday and I couldn't be happier but I still HATE men!

What STUPID things do cretins/guys do?! First of all, is this blog capable of posting infinite amounts of information?! Probably not, so I suppose that I must whittle down that infinite list of male idiocies to a select few that I feel the entire male population needs to become aware of.

1. When a moron/guy refuses to give up after a girl has said, “No” to his request for her phone number!! What is he thinking?! Obviously, NOTHING because it would require less than 1 second of thought for an imbecile/guy to realize that if he has to COERCE a phone number out of a girl, then he has NO CHANCE of getting what he wants from her (no need for the filthy specifics on this one).

2. Boneheads’/Guys’ complete ignorance about the existence of LEAGUES. Telling a guy, “She’s out of your league” is like whispering behind a deaf person’s back. Halfwits/guys need to (1) learn to identify girls who are too pretty and/or intelligent and/or cool for them, (2) learn to accept the fact that these girls will NEVER go for them, and (3) stop staring at them and/or following them around. Teach this lesson to every numskull/guy you know so that I never have to witness another bulging balding man in a loud, silk shirt with a foreign accent and hairy arms go up to another hot girl again.

3. When blockheads/guys use cliché pick-up lines to hit on a girl. Unless a guy is as fine as Josh Duhamel ( is proof that you ARE NOT), where it doesn’t matter what comes out of his luscious lips, he needs to drop the cheesy lines and be himself.

4. When dunces/guys DON’T use cliché pick-up lines to hit on a girl, but the guys aren’t funny or hot. They will get nowhere. Yes, it’s harsh. But stop whining and go make some money so that you can at least pick up a gold-digger who doesn’t care how ugly and boring you are.

5. When dullards/guys think it’s okay for them to roam around in baggy t-shirts they got for free that say things like “Race for the Cure 2002” (I don’t care if you support breast cancer causes) and poorly fitting ankle-biting jeans. Why do guys think it’s acceptable for them to wander around looking like bums? (once again, the Josh Duhamel exception applies b/c girls are too busy imagining such hotties naked to notice their clothes anyways)

6. When oafs/guys drive dangerously quickly/recklessly to show off to a girl. Yeah, after you make us piss our pants from fear we just want to scream out, “God that was hot! Pull over so we can make out!”

7. When dolts/guys say that they hate it when a girl doesn’t have a healthy appetite and yet proceed to ignore girls with a healthy weight because they prefer fit, thin girls. IT IS A SCIENTIFIC FACT THAT WE DO NOT HAVE THE SAME METABOLISMS AS YOU DO, so stop expecting the impossible. In real life, those fit, thin girls who you like DON’T EAT ANYTHING. If they tell you they do, they’re LYING. If they eat in front of you, they’re going to skip the next 10 meals and work out for 6 hours. GUYS: wake up and smell the anorexia, damnit!!!

No comments: